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Friday, February 24, 2012

I Had Lost My Will To Fight by PAUL CASTAIN on FEBRUARY 23, 2012



If you were sitting with me, as I typed the title for today’s blog post, you would have noticed a very big change in my demeanor.
In fact, I typed those words and then went into a bit of shock . . .
Because I’ve never publicly admitted that I didn’t want to fight to get my life back after I lost everything in ’95.
It didn’t happen to me right away but you get your ass kicked enough times and sometimes you just want to give up.
In my case, it wasn’t an end your life type of give up.
It was the kind of give up where you suffer from what experts call “not giving a damn”
At that point I wasn’t just financially broke, I was emotionally broke and quite frankly I felt defined by my circumstances which were . . .
I lost my business
I lost both my cars
I was $60,000 in debt
2 small children
Working 8 pm to 8 am in one job
Delivering pizzas in another
And did I mention, that I felt like a loser?
I’d like to repeat something again if I may . . .
I felt defined by my circumstances!
I wish I could visit  the younger (less bald) version of myself and tell that dude to lighten the hell up.
Our circumstances don’t define us!
I would then tell him that all I was really facing was a really bad round in the fight.
Truth be told, I did realize that at one point and became quite angry with myself and my circumstances but . . .
That led to a little something called “getting back in the fight”.
And since I’m confessing it all anyway, you need to know that I still had some rounds that I came out of quite bloodied . . . life can be funny like that but . . .
There’s something about that moment, when you get tired of getting your ass kicked and you come back with everything you have.
That moment when you sort of say “My turn b*tch” but you say it to a guy which I think is really demeaning but I’m not quite sure why I just wrote that.
I’ll spare you the rest of the sermon and simply tell you this . . .
You are worthy of the life you want!
You are not defined by your circumstances and . . .
You mustn’t ever let ANYTHING take your fight away from you.
Now should you find yourself in a set of circumstances where you have already lost your will to fight . . .
Know that you have the power to change that!
You know, in some crazy way, I wish someone could have taken the loser 1995 version of Paul Castain and brought him to this part of the blog where I am encouraging you based on my own failures.
Yet another reason why life is funny and how delays are never denials.
To your inevitable success my friend!

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